Most of us feel awkward in at least some social situations, especially when we’re going to be in the spotlight or meeting new people. It’s very normal to feel shy, nervous, or uncomfortable in situations where we might be judged, like an interview, giving a speech, meeting your partner’s family, or starting a new job.
Much of the time, this kind of anxiety settles with time, and it doesn’t often stop us from doing fun or important things. For some however, anxiety about social situations can be debilitating. It can impact their work, relationships, and quality of life.
Social anxiety is an excessive and persistent fear of being judged by other people. People with social anxiety worry about embarrassing or humiliating themselves. They tend to see themselves as strange, ugly, stupid, or flawed in some way. They also tend to worry a lot about being judged for showing physical signs of anxiety, like sweating, blushing, or trembling.
Unsurprisingly, people with social anxiety feel very stressed in situations where they might be judged by other people, like parties, job interviews, meeting new people, public speaking, or going out in public. As a result, they tend to avoid these situations as much as they can.
This means that people with social anxiety often miss out on important events or opportunities. They can also struggle to communicate their needs, say “no” to people, and maintain friendships. As a result, social anxiety can have a significant impact on people’s confidence, self-esteem, and psychological wellbeing.
If you related to much of the above, there are things you can do to address these feelings, and be able to overcome the reactions, feelings and thoughts you’re having, in order to thrive in your life.
Start noticing what your behaviors are telling you. How do you notice yourself reacting? In other words, what behaviors do you notice yourself engaging in? What kinds of social situations are you avoiding? Once you start noticing what’s going on for you, start getting curious, without judgement, if there’s evidence or reasons for avoiding certain situations. In turn, looking at things without judgment can help improve your self image, and reduce anxiety symptoms.
Start noticing what your body is telling you. Stress is a symptom of anxiety. One of the first pieces of information I give my clients are stress management techniques that they can start employing. The most common one people tend to go to, in my experience, is slow, deep breathing. But, you first have to get to a place of noticing the physical body symptoms you are feeling in order to be able to employ a stress management technique. It’s a mind/body/brain connection. What is your body telling you that you need?
Start noticing what your brain is telling you. The above can help stave off symptoms that you feel due to social anxiety. That’s a good start. This can make it easier to start addressing what negative beliefs or thoughts you’re having that are keeping your feelings of anxiety going in social situations. Identifying what “triggers” you can allow you to start learning how to reframe your thoughts that result in your feeling socially anxious.
Are your feelings of anxiety related to any past trauma? Oftentimes, feelings of social anxiety can come from past experiences that are still sitting with you. Social anxiety can also be siatuational, but the anxiety often persists before, during, and after the event. You may have been embarrassed, bullied, or poorly treated when you were younger. You may have been in multiple situations where you were judged, and felt you had to prove yourself to others. It’s important to know if there is anything in your past that you could benefit from working through that’s contributing to your feelings in relation to interacting with others.
Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness, or bringing yourself back to the present moment, can help when it feels like your thoughts are “spiraling down”. Developing mindfulness can help you observe your thoughts and feelings so you can better understand how you react to situations, especially social ones that may make you feel anxious. It can also help you maintain a good mindset for reaching out and connecting with others.
Above all, stick with it. Just like healthy eating and exercising takes consistency to see results, so does this. Don't give up if treatment doesn't work quickly. You can continue to make strides in psychotherapy. Learning new skills to help manage your social anxiety takes time. But, you are worth it.
If you’ve been struggling with Social Anxiety, please don’t hesitate to reach out here. If this article was helpful to you, please also don’t hesitate to share this with someone else you feel could benefit.
Amy
Start noticing what your behaviors are telling you.
Start noticIing what your body is telling you.
Start noticing what your brain is telling you.
Are your feelings of anxiety related to any past trauma?
Practice mindfulness.
Above all, stick with it.